I wish there was a manual to miscarriage, specifically to life after. I wish there was someone with all the answers, the option to call God up and invite Him to coffee and conversation. I walked out of the doctor's office two Mondays ago with the same information on miscarriage as when I walked in for the appointment to confirm our pregnancy. I've had to learn about miscarriage from experience. And I haven't been able to get enough of personal stories and blog posts on grieving, processing, and moving forward. I want to talk about this crappy part of life. I want to know how others who have walked this valley dealt. So today I'm talking about my journey. Because I hope it helps at least one other gal who has been here or is here now.
It's been a little over two weeks since husband and I lost our sweet babe. It's been a hard two weeks, with days of uncertainty, raging hormones, crying, and sadness. But, in it I'm also finding joy. There are good moments and bad moments. Little things will trigger that familiar ache in my heart, and other things give me hope for the plans God has for us. As I cope with the loss of our baby, I've discovered that there are so many pieces to healing. And they all come together to make this process a little bit easier. I wanted to share how we're coping in our loss.
Let's Talk About It
One of the biggest ways I'm healing is to talk about it. To hash through all the emotions and the feelings of what happened. I welcome questions, finding that it gets rid of that awkwardness for others who might not know what to say or if they can bring it up. Sharing my story has been such a blessing. I've found that the more I share the more people that reach out to share their own stories of miscarriage. Feeling like there is a sisterhood in this sadness has been incredibly healing. To know that others have been here and have gone on to have healthy, happy baby(ies). It gives me hope and brings me comfort.
Delivered Flowers
Our home turned into a miniature floral shop during the week of our miscarriage. And nothing was more needed than bright and fresh flowers. Not only did it make husband and I feel so loved to have beautiful flowers delivered, but all those flowers brought cheer to our home.
Letting Our Community Care For Us
So many people sent messages offering to do anything they could for us. Meals, a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, you name it. And while I know they truly meant it, sometimes I have trouble taking people up on their offers, because I feel guilty for asking people for things. So when friends and family just inserted themselves a little bit into our life to bring us meals, to care for us, and to love us well, it was just what we needed. Letting our community take care of us showed us the tangible love of God. It was a huge blessing in itself.
Allowing Time To Grieve
I haven't felt rushed to move on with my life. To pick up the pieces and turn the heartbreak off. In fact, giving myself the space to feel my deep sadness and grieve the loss of our baby has been such an important part of this process. Taking the time to feel the loss is hard, but it also lets me move on at my own pace.
Doing Normal Together
Finding some type of normalcy after the first week was really important for me. Husband and I needed to be able to do normal while feeling anything but normal. And I'm so thankful for the friends who let husband and I do just that. It provides a reprieve from focusing on our miscarriage.
Finding Joy
Surprisingly, joy has come easy to me during this time. While it isn't constant, there are beautiful moments of it. And after talking through feelings of guilt about being joyful with the ladies in House Group, I have felt so free to experience happiness. Knowing that the Bible tells us to rejoice in the Lord always (Philippians 4:4),has allowed me to know joy during this time.
Going On Dates
Husband and I have always loved dating one another, even in our marriage. Last week we took the time out of our schedules to go on lunch dates, after dinner dates to Target, and coffee dates to Starbucks. Miscarrying has brought us closer to one another, strengthening our bond and making us stronger. I'm in awe of it really. And giving ourselves special one on one time to be "us" and laugh together is just what the two of us need.
Being Thought Of In The Weeks After
I can't say enough how much our friends and family have meant to us during this time. Having words of encouragement and comfort sent to us via text or email as we begin to get back to our routines has been so wonderful. While the world rapidly moves on around us, we are still slowly adjusting, and it has been everything to know that people haven't forgotten where we are and how we're still feeling.
Let's Talk About It
One of the biggest ways I'm healing is to talk about it. To hash through all the emotions and the feelings of what happened. I welcome questions, finding that it gets rid of that awkwardness for others who might not know what to say or if they can bring it up. Sharing my story has been such a blessing. I've found that the more I share the more people that reach out to share their own stories of miscarriage. Feeling like there is a sisterhood in this sadness has been incredibly healing. To know that others have been here and have gone on to have healthy, happy baby(ies). It gives me hope and brings me comfort.
Delivered Flowers
Our home turned into a miniature floral shop during the week of our miscarriage. And nothing was more needed than bright and fresh flowers. Not only did it make husband and I feel so loved to have beautiful flowers delivered, but all those flowers brought cheer to our home.
Letting Our Community Care For Us
So many people sent messages offering to do anything they could for us. Meals, a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, you name it. And while I know they truly meant it, sometimes I have trouble taking people up on their offers, because I feel guilty for asking people for things. So when friends and family just inserted themselves a little bit into our life to bring us meals, to care for us, and to love us well, it was just what we needed. Letting our community take care of us showed us the tangible love of God. It was a huge blessing in itself.
Allowing Time To Grieve
I haven't felt rushed to move on with my life. To pick up the pieces and turn the heartbreak off. In fact, giving myself the space to feel my deep sadness and grieve the loss of our baby has been such an important part of this process. Taking the time to feel the loss is hard, but it also lets me move on at my own pace.
Doing Normal Together
Finding some type of normalcy after the first week was really important for me. Husband and I needed to be able to do normal while feeling anything but normal. And I'm so thankful for the friends who let husband and I do just that. It provides a reprieve from focusing on our miscarriage.
Finding Joy
Surprisingly, joy has come easy to me during this time. While it isn't constant, there are beautiful moments of it. And after talking through feelings of guilt about being joyful with the ladies in House Group, I have felt so free to experience happiness. Knowing that the Bible tells us to rejoice in the Lord always (Philippians 4:4),has allowed me to know joy during this time.
Going On Dates
Husband and I have always loved dating one another, even in our marriage. Last week we took the time out of our schedules to go on lunch dates, after dinner dates to Target, and coffee dates to Starbucks. Miscarrying has brought us closer to one another, strengthening our bond and making us stronger. I'm in awe of it really. And giving ourselves special one on one time to be "us" and laugh together is just what the two of us need.
Being Thought Of In The Weeks After
I can't say enough how much our friends and family have meant to us during this time. Having words of encouragement and comfort sent to us via text or email as we begin to get back to our routines has been so wonderful. While the world rapidly moves on around us, we are still slowly adjusting, and it has been everything to know that people haven't forgotten where we are and how we're still feeling.
Leaning On God
If it weren't for the sovereignty of God, I'm not sure where I'd be in all of this. Above all things, it has been giving this burden over to Him that has healed me most. Husband and I wholeheartedly trust His will. Although miscarrying our baby has been heartbreaking, He is good, and holding onto that truth has been carrying us through. In this valley, I feel His presence more than ever. I know He is guiding us and walking with us through this devastation. I have been holding on to Lamentations 3:22-23 the last two weeks. It's His truth, and mine.
If it weren't for the sovereignty of God, I'm not sure where I'd be in all of this. Above all things, it has been giving this burden over to Him that has healed me most. Husband and I wholeheartedly trust His will. Although miscarrying our baby has been heartbreaking, He is good, and holding onto that truth has been carrying us through. In this valley, I feel His presence more than ever. I know He is guiding us and walking with us through this devastation. I have been holding on to Lamentations 3:22-23 the last two weeks. It's His truth, and mine.
lhis mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new mevery morning;
ngreat is your faithfulness.
These two verses have been such a light for husband and I. And when I found it in a print, I knew where it belonged in our home. On our bedroom dresser to see everyday. To serve as a reminder for our sweet baby and for the hope we have that God will bless us with a child in His timing.
I hope in sharing some of the ways we have been coping, that you are finding comfort and strength. Whether you've experienced miscarriage personally or know someone who has, I hope this helped. I know it has certainly been helping me. And I can't say thank you enough to everyone who has reached out and carried this yoke with us.
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